Osho Mulla Nasruddin Jokes

• One day, Mulla Nasruddin was walking with a very big stick which was too long for him. One friend suggested, "Nasruddin, why don't you cut a few inches off from the bottom?"
• Nasruddin said, "That would not help -- because it is this end that is long."
   
• Mulla Nasruddin once applied for a job. In the application he mentioned many qualifications. He said, "I stood first in my university, and I was offered the vice-presidency of a national bank. I refused because I am not interested in money. I am an honest man, a true man. I have no greed, I'm not bothered about the salary; whatsoever you give me will be okay. And I love work -- sixty-five hours per week."
  
  When the superintendent who was conducting his interview looked at his application, he was surprised and said, "Lordy! Don't you have any weaknesses?"
  Nasruddin said, "Only one: I am a liar!"
   
• Mulla Nasruddin's wife drags him to a movie house. And in the picture which is shown the hero hugs and kisses the heroine so gracefully, so sweetly, that immediately Mulla Nasruddin's wife turns to him and says, "You never do that to me."
  
  Mulla Nasruddin said, "You don't understand -- he is paid. Am I paid?"
  
  But the wife was also a rare personality. She said, "Paid or not paid, you don't know that in real life also they are husband and wife."
  
  Mulla said, "My god! If in real life also they are husband and wife, then he is a great actor. I can certify that he is a great actor."
   
• A similar story is told about Mulla Nasruddin, but juicier. The ticket collector comes, and Mulla Nasruddin looks into everything -- his bags, his pockets. The ticket collector is standing there and he says, "You have looked in every pocket, but you don't look in the left-side pocket of your coat."
  Mulla Nasruddin said, "Don't interfere in my work. Never mention that pocket!"
  
  He said, "You are strange. I am simply helping you because you cannot find the ticket. Perhaps... why are you leaving out that pocket?"
  Mulla Nasruddin said, "That is my only hope. If the ticket is not in the left pocket, I am finished. So first I will look into everything else. Only as the last resort may I touch that pocket. That is my last hope, don't destroy it."
   
• Mulla Nasruddin killed his wife and then there was a case in the court. The judge said to Nasruddin, 'Nasruddin, you go on insisting again and again that you are a peaceloving man. What type of peaceloving man are you? You killed your wife!'
  Nasruddin said, 'Yes, I repeat again that I am a peaceloving man. You don't know: when I killed my wife such peace descended on her face, and for the first time in my house there was peace all over. And I still insist that I am a peaceloving man.'
   
• Mulla Nasruddin had become ninety-nine years old, and a reporter from a local newspaper came to interview him because he was the oldest man in the valley. After the interview the reporter said, "I hope that I will be able to come next year also when you have attained the hundred, when you have completed your hundred years. I hope I will be able to come." Mulla Nasruddin looked at the man wide-eyed and said, "Why not, young fellow? You look healthy enough to me!"
   
• Mulla Nasruddin's twenty-fifth wedding anniversary came, and he was going out of his house that day. His wife felt a little peeved, because she was expecting he would do something and he was just moving in a routine way. So she asked, "Nasruddin, have you forgotten what day it is?"
  Nasruddin said, "I know."
  Then she said, "Then do something unusual!"
  Nasrudin thought and said, "How about two minutes of silence?"
   
• Mulla Nasruddin came to see me. He hailed a taxi, entered it and said, "Driver, take me to Osho Commune."
  The driver came out of the car very much annoyed because the taxi was standing before 17, Koregaon Park.
  He opened the door and said to Mulla Nasruddin, "Fellow, we have reached the Commune. Come out!"
  Nasruddin said, "Okay, but don't drive so fast next time."
   
• Mulla Nasruddin was playing cards with his dog. A man looked, he was surprised -- the dog was really playing. So he said to Nasruddin, "Nasruddin, you really have a strange and wise dog."
  Nasruddin said, "Not so -- he is not so wise as he appears, because whenever he gets a good hand he wags his tail. Not so wise as he looks!"
• Mulla Nasruddin and his wife were sitting on a park bench hidden behind a row of palms. Suddenly a young couple came on the other side of the palms. The young man immediately started to talk in a very romantic way, in a very poetic way.
  
  Mulla Nasruddin's wife became fidgety, uneasy. She said, whispered in Nasruddin's ear, "It seems that young man is not aware that we are here, so you whistle to make them aware. And the young man seems so much in love that I feel that he is just about to propose."
  Nasruddin said, "Why should I whistle? Nobody ever made me alert, nobody whistled when I was proposing."

• I have heard, once it happened: There was a meeting in the town hall, and the speaker went on and on -- an old politician -- and he would not stop. People by and by left the hall. Only Mulla Nasruddin remained, the only one. The speaker was very happy and he thanked Nasruddin: "I never thought that you loved me so much, or you loved my thoughts so much, or you so appreciated my philosophy."
  Nasruddin said, "You don't understand me. I am the next speaker -- I was waiting for you to stop!"
    
• Once it happened: Mulla Nasruddin told me that he was thinking of divorcing his wife. I asked, 'Why? Why so suddenly?'
  Nasruddin said, 'I doubt her fidelity towards me.'
  So I told him, 'Wait, I will ask your wife.'
  
  So I told his wife, 'Nasruddin is talking around town and creating a rumor that you are not faithful, and he is thinking of divorce, so what is the matter?'
  
  His wife said, 'This is too much. Nobody has ever insulted me like that -- and I tell you, I have been faithful to him dozens of times!'
    
• I have heard: Mulla Nasruddin's father was dying, on his deathbed, and he wanted to give some advice to his son who was going in many ways astray. He had become the Don Juan of the town, and was chasing every woman. The old man said, "Nasruddin, remember one thing: beauty is only skindeep, and don't be mad for it -- and this is my whole life's experience I am telling you. I have chased women, but this is how I feel now, at the end of my life, that beauty is nothing but a skindeep phenomenon, an appearance."
  Nasruddin brooded over it and said, "Dad, that much will do -- because I am no cannibal, I am not going to eat women. Skindeep is enough for me. Who wants the inside of a woman?"
• Mulla Nasruddin was trying for half an hour to catch two flies which were disturbing him in the room. Finally he got hold of both of them, and he told his wife, "I caught both of them; one is male, the other is female."
• The wife said, "Flies -- and you have found their sex too?"
  He said, "It was very simple -- the female fly was sitting on the mirror for two hours continuously, and the male fly was reading the newspaper. It is just pure logic to infer who is male and who is female." Both remain glued -- one with the mirror, one with the newspaper.
• The old Mulla Nasruddin had become a very rich man. When he felt death approaching he decided to make some arrangements for his funeral, so he ordered a beautiful coffin made of ebony wood with satin pillows inside. He also had a beautiful silk caftan made for his dead body to be dressed in.
  The day the tailor delivered the caftan, Mulla Nasruddin tried it on to see how it would look, but suddenly he exclaimed, "What is this! Where are the pockets?"
    
• A friend of Mulla Nasruddin became very, very rich. And when somebody becomes rich he wants to go back to his old friends, old neighbors, old village, to show what he has attained. So he came from the capital to his small village. Just at the station he met Mulla Nasruddin and he said, "Nasruddin, do you know, I have made it! I have become very, very rich, you cannot even conceive! I have a palace with five hundred rooms, it is a castle!"
  
  Mulla Nasruddin said, "I know a few people who have houses with five hundred rooms."
  The friend said, "I have two eighteen-hole golf courses, three swimming pools and acres and acres of greenery!"
  Nasruddin replied, "I know one man in the other town who has two golf courses and three swimming pools."
  The rich man said, "In the house?"
  
  Nasruddin said, "Listen -- you may have made much money, but I have also not done too bad: I've got donkeys, horses, pigs, buffaloes, cows, chickens."
  The other man started laughing and he said, "Nasruddin, lots of people have donkeys, horses, cows, chickens...."
  Nasruddin stopped him in the middle and said, "In the house?"
• Mulla Nasruddin came running into a farm one evening and asked the farmer, "Have you seen a lunatic woman passing through here?"
  The farmer said, "What did she look like?"
  Nasruddin described her. He said, "She is six feet four inches tall, very fat, and weighs forty-five pounds."
  The farmer looked a little puzzled and said, "If she is six feet four inches tall and is very fat, how can she weigh only forty-five pounds?"
  Nasruddin laughed and said, "Don't be silly -- didn't I tell you that she is a little crazy?"
    
• Once, Mulla Nasruddin was caught in a legal case. He looked in the court: twelve woman jurists. And he said to the judge, "I confess! ... Because I cannot deceive one woman at home, so twelve in the jury -- impossible! I have committed this sin, simply give me the punishment."
• Mulla Nasruddin came home one night very late, it must have been three in the morning. He knocked; his wife was very angry, but Mulla said, "Wait! First give me one minute to explain, then you can start. I was sitting with a very sick friend."

• His wife said, "A very likely story -- but tell me the name of the friend."
  Mulla Nasruddin thought and thought and thought, and then he said triumphantly, "He was so sick he couldn't tell me!"
    
• Mulla Nasruddin was caught. When he came out of court he said to a friend, "It has been very hard: the judge first fined me fifty rupees" -- because he had kissed a woman, a stranger, on the road. So he was telling his friend, "The judge first fined me fifty rupees for kissing her -- and then when he looked at the woman he fined me fifty more for being drunk!" ... Because the woman was almost no woman at all -- she was so ugly that nobody could kiss her if he was in his senses!
    
• Mulla Nasruddin became very aged; he attained one hundred years. A reporter came to see him, because he was the oldest citizen around those parts. The reporter said, 'Nasruddin, there are a few questions I would like to ask. One is, do you think you will be able to live a hundred years more?'
  
  Nasruddin said, 'Of course, because a hundred years ago I was not so strong as I am now.' A hundred years before, he was a child, just born, so he said: 'A hundred years ago I was not so strong as I am now, and if a small child, helpless, weak, could survive for a hundred years, why shouldn't I?'
    
• Mulla Nasruddin was saying to one of his friends early in the morning, walking on the lawn, "My wife is almost like a mousetrap." And women are so attuned, their antenna is always up in the air; if you speak loudly they may not listen, but if you whisper they will listen to every word.
  
  The wife came out and she said, "What are you telling him? Yes, I am a mousetrap -- and who are you? You are a mouse. And remember, the trap was not running after the mouse, it was the mouse himself who entered the trap. So what are you telling your friend?"
    
• Mulla Nasruddin was resting in his chair. His wife was looking at the street and he was looking at the wall. They were sitting back to back, as husbands and wives always sit.
  
  Suddenly the wife said, "Nasruddin, look! The richest man of the town is dead, and thousands of people are going to give him the last send-off."
  Nasruddin said, "What a shame I am not facing that way!"
    
• Once Mulla Nasruddin went to a doctor -- and doctors have learned the trick from the priests: they write in Latin and Greek, and they write in such a way that even if they have to read it again it is difficult. Nobody should understand what they are writing.
  
  So Mulla Nasruddin went to a doctor and he said,
  "Listen, be plain. Just tell me the facts. Don't use Latin and Greek."
  
  The doctor said, "If you insist, and if you allow me to be frank, you are not ill at all. You are just plain lazy."
  Nasruddin said, "Okay, thank you. Now write it in Greek and Latin so I can show it to my family."
   
• Once Mulla Nasruddin came back to his home very, very late at night. He knocked, the wife asked, "Nasrudin, what is the time?"
• 
  Nasruddin said matter-of-factly, "It is very early, only elevenfifteen."
  
  The wife said, "Don't you lie to me. I just looked at the alarm clock. It is not eleven-fifteen, it is three-fifteen. The whole night is past."
  
  Nasruddin said, "One minute. You believe in a rotten twenty-rupee alarm clock, rather than believing in your beloved husband? What type of marriage is this? What type of woman are you?"
    
• Once it happened: one man came to Mulla Nasruddin and asked for some money. Nasruddin knew this man, knew well that this money was not going to be returned, but it was such a small sum that he thought, "Let him take it; even if he is not going to return it, nothing is lost. So why say no for such a small sum?" So he gave him the money.
  
  After three days the man returned. Nasruddin was surprised. It seemed impossible, it was a miracle, that this man had returned. After two or three days the man came again and asked for a big sum. Nasruddin said, "Now! Last time you deceived me." He said, "Last time you deceived me -- now I am not going to allow it again."
  
  The man said, "What are you saying? Last time I returned the money."
  He said, "Okay, you returned it, but you deceived me -- because I never believed that you would return it. But this time, no. Enough is enough. Last time you behaved contrary to my expectations. But enough; now I am not going to give it to you."
   
• Once it happened: Mulla Nasruddin came out of the village tavern and the new priest saw him -- he was passing by on the road. The new priest said, "Nasruddin, you are a religious man. What do I see? You are coming out of such a place? My son, drink is of the Devil. And when the Devil invites you again, refuse. Why don't you refuse?"
• Nasruddin said, "Reverend, I would like to refuse, but the Devil may get sore and may not invite me again."
• Mulla Nasruddin died and went immediately, or was sent immediately, to hell. There he reached Satan who had been waiting for him for a long time -- he was a man long awaited there. Satan received him, welcomed him, and Mulla Nasruddin said to the devil, "Boy, am I happy being here in heaven."

• 
  The devil said, "Nasruddin, you are mistaken. This is no heaven."
  Nasruddin said, "That may be your attitude. I am coming from India -- to me it looks like heaven."
    
• Mulla Nasruddin fingered a banker who was coming out of his office and said, "What about two annas for a cup of coffee?"
  The Mulla was looking so distraught, so sad, that the man felt for him, and he said, "Here is one rupee. Take it and have eight cups of coffee." So Mulla went.
  
  Next day he was again there on the steps of the office, and as the banker came out, he punched his face, on the nose.
  The man said, "Hey, what are you doing? And this is after I gave you one rupee just yesterday? What type of thankfulness is this?"
  
  Mulla said, "You and your lousy eight cups of coffee." And he punched him again on his nose and said, "They kept me awake the whole night!"
    
• Mulla Nasruddin was in love with a woman. The woman was very tall, and the woman lived far away, almost one mile from the tram terminus. So Nasruddin used to walk her to her home every evening.
  
  One day, after just a few minutes' walk, Nasruddin said, "Give me a kiss." But she was so tall that Nasruddin needed a stool or something. So they looked around and saw a blacksmith's shop, abandoned. They found an anvil there, so he stood on the anvil, kissed the woman, and they started again towards home. After half a mile, Nasruddin said, "One more, darling."
  
  The woman said, "No! I have given you one kiss and it is enough for tonight."
  So Nasruddin said, "Then what is the use of carrying this damned anvil!"
    
• Somebody was asking Mulla Nasruddin, "Why, Nasruddin, are you leaving so early today?" -- he was leaving the tavern.
  He said, "Every day it is a problem. The wife!"
  So the man said, "Are you afraid of your wife? Are you a man or a mouse?"
  Nasruddin said, "I am a man."
  And the man said, "Then why you are going so early if you are a man? And what certainty have you got that you are a man?"
  Said Nasruddin, "I am certain, absolutely certain, because my wife is afraid of mice. I am certainly a man. I am afraid of her and she is afraid of mice. Had I been a mouse...!"
    
• One night Mulla Nasruddin called his wife and said, "Bring my specs, because I have been seeing a beautiful dream and much more is promised to me. Bring my specs, because the place is not so well lighted, and I cannot see clearly."
  
• Mulla Nasruddin was talking to his doctor. The doctor said, "Nasruddin, you confess that you are bad-tempered. I suppose I need not tell you that science has discovered that your bad temper is caused by an ugly little microbe."
  Mulla Nasruddin said, "For heaven's sake, speak quietly. She's sitting in the next room."
   
• Mulla Nasruddin was given an interview with a shipping company. The manager asked, "Nasruddin, it is a dangerous job. Sometimes the ocean behaves so roughly. If you are caught in tidal waves, what are you going to do with your ship?"
• 
  He said, "No problem at all. I will simply lower down the defense mechanism that every ship has, just weights, huge weights which keep the ship stable even when there is so much turmoil all around."
  
  The manager said, "Another tidal wave is arising...?"
  He said, "No problem. I will again lower down a huge weight" -- In the shipping world these weights are called langers.
  The manager said, "But if a 3rd wave comes, what will you do?"
  He said, "No problem... a bigger langer."
  
  The manager is in a difficulty what to do with this man. He says, "From where are you getting all these langers?"
  Mulla Nasruddin said, "And from where are you getting these tidal waves?"
    
• The son of Mulla Nasruddin asked him, "Papa, if a Mohammedan becomes a Christian, what will you call him?"
  He said, "He is a renegade!"
  And the son thought it over and he said, "If a Christian becomes a Mohammedan, what will you call him?"
  And he laughed and he said, "He is a man of understanding."
    
• Mulla Nasruddin married the ugliest woman in the town. Nobody could believe it. People asked him, "Nasruddin, what has happened to you?"
  
  He said, "There is a logic in it. This is the only woman from whom I can escape any time. In fact, it will be difficult not to escape. This is the only woman in the town whom I can trust. Beautiful people are not trustworthy. They can fall in love easily because so many people are attracted towards them. I can trust this woman; she will always be sincere towards me. I need not be worried about her; I can go out of the town for months, I will not have any fear. My woman will remain mine."
• Just the other day I heard somebody ask Mulla Nasruddin, 'Why did Jesus say "Blessed are the poor in spirit"?'

• Mulla thought for a while and then said, 'Blessed are the poor in spirit for they have no money to buy booze.'
    
• Another time somebody asked Mulla Nasruddin, 'And what is the eleventh commandment?'
  He said, 'Thou shalt not get caught.'
    
• One day I went to see Mulla Nasruddin. He was sitting under his bed. I asked Nasruddin, "What is the matter? Why are you sitting under your bed?"
  He said, "Why not? I am the master of the house, I can sit anywhere!"
  
  And then his wife came and she said "You coward! You come out and I will show you who is the master!"
  He said, "Nobody can force me to come out! I am the master so I can sit anywhere I like!"
  
  Now the wife is very fat and she cannot go under the bed, so I asked the wife, "What are you going to do now?"
  She said, "You wait! Lunch time is coming closer -- he will have to come out! And under the bed he can go on talking about his mastery; above the bed I know who is the master!"
    
• Mulla Nasruddin was sitting in front of his house. It was raining and somebody came running and he said, "What are you doing here? Your wife has fallen in the river!"
  
  Mulla rushed to the river. A great crowd had gathered, but nobody was daring enough to jump into the river -- it was so dangerous, it was such a big flood. Mulla immediately jumped -- and started swimming upstream.
  The crowd laughed and people said, "Mulla, what are you doing? Why are you trying to swim upstream?"
  
  He said, "You keep quiet! -- I know my wife. If she has fallen in the stream, she must have gone upstream, she cannot go downstream. She can never do anything naturally. I know my wife."
    
• Mulla Nasruddin was saying to me one day, I and my wife never argue.'
  I could not believe it! It seemed almost impossible that a wife and a husband did not argue. I said, 'Mulla, how do you manage it?'
  
  He said, 'The day we got married we decided one thing: I will talk about great and lofty subject matters only, and she will take care of small trivia.'
  I asked, 'For instance?'
  
  He said, 'For instance, what house to purchase, what car to purchase, to what school to send the children, what kind of clothes I should wear, what kind of business I should do -- these are small trivia. My wife settles them.'
  He said, 'For example: whether God exists or not, whether war should be continued in Korea or not -- things like that, great things. I decide great things, she decides small things.'
    
• One day Mulla Nasruddin came into the restaurant and declared, "My wife is the most beautiful woman in the world."
  Everybody was shocked, everybody knew his wife... he himself knew it.
  People gathered around him and said, "Mulla, have you had a revelation? Who told you? Has she been chosen Miss Universe? What has happened that you have to declare?"
  He said, "She has not been chosen, she has told me herself. I am a faithful servant. Whatever she says I believe it. She said that she is the most beautiful woman, and I said, perfectly right; I will go and tell my friends."
    
• Mulla Nasruddin went to the market and saw a big bushel of hot chilli peppers on sale. He bought them, returned home, and began to eat.
  A little while later, his disciples came and saw the Mulla with tears streaming down his face, his mouth and tongue burning. "Mulla, Mulla, why do you go on eating them?" As he reached for another, Nasruddin replied, "I keep waiting for a sweet one."
    
• Once I asked Mulla Nasruddin, "How many years have you been married, Nasruddin?"
  He said, "Twenty odd years."
  So I asked, "Why do you call them 'odd'?"
  He said, "When you will see my wife you will understand."
    
• One day I saw Mulla Nasruddin almost crying, he was so sad. I said, "What is the matter? Why you are so sad?"
  He said, "I am really sad. My wife has appointed a new secretary for me."
  I said, "So what? What is there to be so sad about it? Is she blonde or brunette?"
  He said, "Forget all about blondes and brunettes. He is bald! That's why I am crying!"

Why do u tell jokes??!!

Question: Why do you tell jokes?


Osho: First, Religion is a complicated joke. If you don't laugh at all you have missed the point; if you only laugh you have missed the point again. It is a very complicated joke. And the whole of life is a great cosmic joke. It is not a serious phenomenon -- take it seriously and you will go on missing it. It is understood only through laughter.

Have you not observed that man is the only animal who laughs? Aristotle says man is the rational animal. That may not be true -- because ants are very rational and bees are very rational. In fact, compared to ants, man looks almost irrational. And a computer is very rational -- compared to a computer, man is very irrational.

My definition of man is that man is the laughing animal. No computer laughs, no ant laughs, no bee laughs. If you come across a dog laughing you will be so scared! Or a buffalo suddenly laughs: you may have a heart attack. It is only man who can laugh, it is the highest peak of growth.

And it is through laughter that you will reach to God -- because it is only through the highest that is in you that you can reach the ultimate. Laughter has to become the bridge. Laugh your way to God. I don't say pray your way to God, I say laugh your way to God. If you can laugh you will be able to love. If you can laugh you will be able to relax. Laughter relaxes like nothing else. So all jokes to me are prayers -- that's why I tell them.

Osho : Dynamic Meditation

Dynamic Meditation lasts one hour and is in five stages. It can be done alone, and will be even more powerful if it is done with others. It is an individual experience so you should remain oblivious of others around you and keep your eyes closed throughout, preferably using a blindfold. It is best to have an empty stomach and wear loose, comfortable clothing.

“This is a meditation in which you have to be continuously alert, conscious, aware, whatsoever you do. Remain a witness. Don’t get lost. While you are breathing you can forget. You can become one with the breathing so much that you can forget the witness. But then you miss the point.

“Breathe as fast as possible, as deep as possible; bring your total energy to it but still remain a witness. Observe what is happening as if you are just a spectator, as if the whole thing is happening to somebody else, as if the whole thing is happening in the body and the consciousness is just centered and looking.

“This witnessing has to be carried in all the three steps. And when everything stops, and in the fourth step you have become completely inactive, frozen, then this alertness will come to its peak.” Osho

First Stage: 10 minutes

Breathe chaotically through the nose, concentrating always on exhalation. The body will take care of the inhalation. The breath should move deeply into the lungs. Be as fast as you can in your breathing, making sure the breathing stays deep. Do this as fast and as hard as you possibly can – and then a little harder, until you literally become the breathing. Use your natural body movements to help you to build up your energy. Feel it building up, but don’t let go during the first stage.

Second Stage: 10 minutes

Explode! Express everything that needs to be thrown out. Go totally mad. Scream, shout, cry, jump, shake, dance, sing, laugh; throw yourself around. Hold nothing back; keep your whole body moving. A little acting often helps to get you started. Never allow your mind to interfere with what is happening. Be total, be whole hearted.

Third Stage: 10 minutes

With raised arms, jump up and down shouting the mantra, “Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!” as deeply as possible. Each time you land, on the flats of your feet, let the sound hammer deep into the sex center. Give all you have; exhaust yourself totally.

Fourth Stage: 15 minutes

Stop! Freeze wherever you are, in whatever position you find yourself. Don’t arrange the body in any way. A cough, a movement – anything will dissipate the energy flow and the effort will be lost. Be a witness to everything that is happening to you.

Fifth Stage: 15 minutes

Celebrate through dance, expressing your gratitude towards the whole. Carry your happiness with you throughout the day.

You can directly start to download the music of Dynamic Meditation by visiting this website..


http://beemp3.com/index.php?q=osho+dynamic+meditation+music+free+download.

OSHO: Anybody Who Gives You a Belief System is Your Enemy.

Osho :God Is Not a Solution - but a Problem

"Evolution implies that creation is not complete, hence the possibility of evolving. Charles Darwin is saying that the creation is an ongoing process, that existence is always imperfect, that it is never going to be perfect; only then can it go on evolving, reaching new peaks, new dimensions, opening new doors, new possibilities." --

Osho Quotes on Enlightenment – Osho Quotes and Insights on Enlightenment

Osho Quotes on Enlightenment

Enlightenment is pure silence, the silence of no-mind.

Enlightenment is simply becoming aware of your transcendence of chemistry and physics, biology and physiology, knowing yourself to be the eternal, non-physical energy. It is pure light, and nobody can enforce it, it is absolutely in your hands to remain ignorant or to become enlightened.

Enlightenment is not a state of ecstasy, it is beyond ecstasy. Enlightenment has no excitement in it; ecstasy is a state of excitement. Ecstasy is a state of mind — a beautiful state of mind, but still a state of mind. Ecstasy is an experience. And enlightenment is not an experience, because there is nobody left to experience. Ecstasy is still within the ego, enlightenment is beyond the ego. It is not that you become enlightened: you are not, then enlightenment is. It is not that you are liberated, it is not that you remain in that liberation, liberated: it is a liberation from yourself.

When a man of enlightenment looks at a roseflower there is no division between the knower and the known; he becomes the very heart of the roseflower. When he looks at the sunrise he becomes the sunrise, when he looks at a white cloud, he becomes the white cloud. It is not by any effort. He has just become a mirror, so clean that everything that comes before it is reflected in it. He becomes it.

Enlightenment means exactly that: when meditation has become natural. You are meditative — not that you sit sometimes in meditation, not that you have a few hours of meditation every day — your whole time is meditative You move in meditation, you walk in meditation, you sit in meditation, you eat in meditation, you love in meditation, you do your businesses in meditation. Your whole life becomes surrounded by a new kind of energy. It is not NECESSARY, it is simply natural.

A man of enlightenment, feeling one with existence, needs no morality, needs no ethics, needs no teachings about what is right and what is wrong. He is so in tune with existence that everything that happens through him is bound to be just right. There is no possibility of anything going wrong. Meditation is an art of bringing you closer to the heartbeat of existence. The deeper you go within you … you will find the very heartbeat of existence. Then there is no morality for you; all that you do is beautiful.

Self-realization is a process of sudden enlightenment. If one can relax totally in the moment, if one can put the mind aside and just BE… silent, aware… one can become self-realized at the last moment of life too.

Self-realization is not difficult at all. It appears to be difficult because we never try to get in tune with our own being. We have forgotten the language, that’s all, but it can be remembered.

Truth is only the one that happens when the mind stops functioning; that is the truth of enlightenment. When you are in absolute silence, not a thought moves and the lake of your consciousness is absolutely rippleless, then you become a mirror and then the whole is reflected in you; that is the truth of enlightenment. That’s what happened to Buddha under the bodhi tree… that was what Jesus was calling ‘the kingdom of god’.

Nirvana means the ultimate enlightenment, the state when the ego disappears, when man is no more separate from existence — not even a thin curtain separates him, not even a transparent glass separates him — when all separation disappears. That meeting with the total, that merger with the whole, that melting into the absolute, is called nirvana.

Whenever there is enlightenment, god takes possession of the enlightened person, because the enlightened person is not a person at all; he is just emptiness. And only in that emptiness can god take possession. So whenever there is this emptiness, whenever the ego disappears, god immediately appears. These are two aspects of the same phenomenon: the ego disappearing and god appearing; the death of the ego is the birth of god.

The awakening is called enlightenment because it is an experience of being full of light, overflowing with light.

Enlightenment is not attained by striving for it — no. Striving itself is the greatest impediment. You don’t attain it by making effort; you attain it by relaxing all efforts. It happens. It is not an attainment really, it is not an achievement… and the achiever’s mind never reaches it. It is a relaxation: when you are not striving for anything, not thinking to achieve anything, not even thinking about enlightenment, then it happens. It takes you always unawares: when you are really looking for it hard, it goes on eluding you. That is not the way to get to it. It is very elusive, mercury-like.

Watch desire… just watching, observing, seeing the ways of the desire and the subtle, cunning strategies of it and how it always comes. It even starts thinking “How to drop desire?” — it starts desiring the state of no-desire too. See this whole game, and seeing it one day, suddenly one is sitting alone and there is no desire, no desire around — in that very moment suddenly one finds oneself at home. That’s what enlightenment is, and that’s what the experience of God is.

Enlightenment can happen through anything, but the most potential situation is love. Enlightenment is possible in any kind of situation, in any state of mind; sometimes it has happened in very absurd situations.

Osho Quotes on Death – Each death is an opportunity to be awake

Osho Quotes on Death

Whoever may have died right now… each death is your death, because each death is a reminder that you are not going to be here forever. Each death is an opportunity to be awake. Before death comes use the opportunity of life to attain something which is beyond death.
The secret is, start living more fully, more totally. Be more alert so that you can find within yourself something that is unreachable by death. That is the only shelter, the only security, the only safety. And if you want to help your friends and family, let them become aware of this secret.
The danger is more, but as life is itself always in the grip of death, it is a good opportunity to be aware. Otherwise your death comes without any pre-information: suddenly it comes and you don’t have even a single moment. And even in cases where death is certain — in cancer or in AIDS — the doctors, the family, the friends, everybody tries to hide the fact that it is so close… with good intentions, but good intentions won’t do. They are harming the person. The person should be made aware: “Your death is going to come within one month. You don’t have any more life, so this month do the best thing that can give you a taste of immortality.” Then when you die there is no sadness, no misery — you simply move from this body into another body, or if you become enlightened… A sudden awareness of death can make you enlightened.
A man of realization knows there is no death. Death is a fiction, you have never died. Yes, you have changed your form many times. You have changed your house many times, many times. But you have never died. Have you ever seen yourself dying? It is always somebody else who dies.
life and death are two phases of the same energy. Death is not the end of life. Death itself is part of life, and life goes on. You have died many times, and still you are alive. Your life is eternal. Death is a small episode here and there, when you change your house, but the essential of your being remains the same. How many times you change houses does not matter, but it is inconceivable to the mind.
Mind only thinks about things. “What will happen after death?” Why can’t you wait? One thing is certain: you will die — I guarantee it! How you prefer to die, that is another matter.
You were a child, you have become a grown-up, you will become old. This is phenomenal, this is unreal. But there is something within you which never becomes anything other than itself. In your childhood it is the same, in your youth it is the same, in your old age it is the same, in your death it is the same. A man of meditation knows his eternal being, his immortal being. There is no deathbed for him.
A right kind of education will teach people to live herenow, to create a paradise of this earth, not to wait for death to come, and not to wait for death to come, and not to be miserable till death stops your misery. Let death find you dancing and joyous and loving. It is a strange experience that if a man can live his life as if he is already in paradise, death cannot take away anything from that man’s experience.
Because of our mind we always divide everything into opposite polarities. Delusion and enlightenment, night and day, birth and death, they are all one process but the mind cannot conceive it. It is intrinsically incapable of conceiving of the oneness of life and death, of light and darkness.
Once enlightened, your death is going to be the last death. In other words, only enlightened people die. The unenlightened … very difficult — they go on coming back, they never die. Only the enlightened person can afford death; the unenlightened cannot afford it, he is not yet ready. Life is a school, and unless you have learned the lesson you will have to come back again and again to the same class. Once you have learned the lesson, passed the examination, then even if you want to come back into the class you will find all doors are closed for you. You have to move higher, to a different level of being.
The authentic man lives the unknown, allows the unknown, moves on the unknown path, risks everything. He may not find gold mines, but he finds a tremendous satisfaction. His life is a life of blessings; his death is a death of fulfillment.
The whole function of the master is to create such energy, such a magnetic force that you are pulled in and slowly, slowly start disappearing. And a point comes when you have become one with existence. This I call real death.
The ordinary death that you see every day is not real death; It is only a change of the house, or a changing of your clothes. The master is the real death — because once you are consumed in the energy that the master makes available to you, you will not be coming back into any form; you will disappear into the vast universe. It is death from one side: you will not be this small, imprisoned soul.
It is life eternal from the other side: you will be freed from the prison and you will become one with life itself. You will not be separate; you will be immortal, you will be universal. Just all your misery, all your limitations — the birth, the death, the old age — all these will disappear. You will be simply young, vibrating, eternal life. On the one hand the master is a death. On the other, he is the resurrection.
If you have known life, you will have certainly known death — and then death is not the enemy, death is the friend. Then death is nothing but a deep sleep. Again there is a morning, again things will start. Then death is nothing but rest — a tremendous rest, needed rest. After the whole life of toil and tiredness, one needs a great rest in God. Death is going back to the source, just as in sleep.
Every night you die a little death. You call it sleep; it would be better to call it a little death. You disappear from the surface, you move into your innermost being. You are lost, you don’t know who you are. You forget all about the world, and the relationship, and the people. You die a small death, a tiny death, but even that tiny death revives you. In the morning you are full of zest and juice again, again throbbing with life, again ready to jump into a thousand and one adventures, ready to take the challenge. By the evening you will be tired again. This is happening daily. You have not even known what sleep is; how can you know death? Death is a great sleep, a great rest after the whole life. It makes you anew, it makes you fresh, it resurrects you.
Live the way existence wanted you to live. Your very life should be so intense and so total that you burn your life’s torch from both ends. In that very intensity you will know that you have touched something of eternity. And if you have known it in your life, in your death you will find a deeper confirmation of the fact. People who live in personality always die unconscious. They have never lived. They don’t know what consciousness is, so before death they become unconscious. That’s why we don’t remember our past lives. You were unconscious, and death happened in your unconsciousness. But if you live consciously, as an individual, then you will die consciously, the way Socrates is dying — so conscious to the last breath. And this memory will be with you in the next life too.

Osho Quotes on Death – Your birth was the beginning of death

Osho Quotes on Death

Your birth was the beginning of death. Since then you have not been doing anything except dying — every day, continuously — although the process is very slow. It may take seventy years or eighty years to reach your grave, but you have been moving towards it since you left your cradle… consistently… never taking a single holiday, never going astray. There is no way of going astray! Whatever you do, wherever you go, you are going towards the graveyard. One day you were not… one day you are again not — although you existed for seventy years.
Birth and death are simply devices, because neither birth is true nor death is true. We have been before birth, so how can birth be true? And we will be after death, so how can death be true? Only one thing is true: the consciousness that comes with you through birth and goes with you through death — perhaps birth is a door, and death too! Perhaps they are the same door, just your direction is different.
If you can have just a glimpse of yourself you will know you have never been born and you have never died. Yes, birth and death have been happening around you but not to you. The body was dying, the mind was dying; the body was being born, the mind was being born again, but you have remained eternally the same.
At the moment of death all your knowledge of the world will be lost into thin air. Only one thing will go with you, and that one thing is being constantly ignored — that is your self-knowledge, your self-realization. In fact, this is the only ignorance — ignoring yourself.
To know life in its insecurity is to know life in its immense beauty, is to know life in its authenticity. To know life in its insecurity, without any fear, is to transcend death, because life never dies.
Have you ever consciously looked at death? Have you ever gone to the cemetery and sat there and thought about the people who are lying in their graves? No… you will go only one time and one way — you will not come back. Why are graveyards and cemeteries and funeral grounds made outside the city, out of the way? — so that you don’t have to come across them. In fact, the graveyards should be made exactly in the middle of the city, so you have to come across them many times every day, knowing perfectly well that the people who are sleeping in those graves were also one day living just like you, and one day you also will be lying in the same kind of grave.
Remember, if the fear of death disappears then all other fears disappear automatically, because all other fears are nothing but by-products of the main, basic fear — the fear of death. Go into any of your fears and ultimately you will come to the rock-bottom, and that will be the fear of death. You are afraid of losing money? Go deep into it and you will find that money somehow gives you a feeling that you are more protected, that you can resist death more than the poor man; hence you are afraid of losing money. If you are powerful, politically powerful, it gives you an appearance, as if you have conquered death.
Time is mind. Time is death. Going beyond time is going beyond mind and beyond death.
It is always death that comes before your desires are fulfilled. Even if you live for a thousand years your desires are not going to be fulfilled.
And that’s what sannyas is all about. It is to accept the insecurity of life, it is to accept death, it is to accept that everything can disappear at any moment. Your love, your friendship, you, everything is only for the moment. The next moment the petals will wither away, all will be gone.
From birth to death man is a long sleep, sometimes dreaming with eyes closed, sometimes dreaming with eyes open, but dreaming all the same, all the time.
Each one has to carry his own cross, each one has to prepare for his own ultimate death — I don’t mean physical death, remember. Physical death has happened to you many times; millions of times you have died physically. That is not true death because the mind continues, enters into another womb, starts another game; again the whole story is repeated. You go on moving in circles; that is not true death.
The true death is known only by the devotee who comes to a point when he CANNOT live without God, it is impossible to live without God. When this impossibility arises, that one cannot live without God… this is what Jesus means, by ‘carrying your own cross’. Of course, nobody else can carry it for you. This death is so deep that nobody can help you. This death is so much of the interior that nobody can approach it from the outside. You cannot be murdered, you can only commit suicide — about THIS death, about THIS internal disappearance, about THIS subjective annihilation, cessation.
It happens to every meditator: the more you meditate the more your inner voice says, “Let the ego die.” The more you meditate, the more you become aware that a certain death is going to happen. And you know only one kind of death, so naturally you misinterpret; you think, “I am going to die.” You are not going to die, only the ‘I’, the ego, the personality is going to die, is going to disappear.
But each time somebody dies, something in you becomes shaky. Each death is a small death to you. Never send somebody to ask for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee. Each death is your death. Even when a dry leaf falls from the tree, it is your death. Hence we go on protecting ourselves.

Osho – Wisdom does not come from knowledge, it comes from love

Osho – Wisdom does not come from knowledge, it comes from love. Wisdom has nothing to do with logic but it has everything to do with love. Knowledge depends on logic and knowledge can give you a false notion of being, because knowledge is imitative. You can repeat beautiful saying of Jesus, the beatitude, and if you go on repeating them long enough you will start believing, you will auto-hypnotise yourself by constant repetition. You will start thinking, as if you know, and you don’t know at all.

Jesus is talking from the heart and you are learning from the head — and the difference is vast. The difference is almost unbridgeable, it is so vast. Knowledge is cheap, easily available. One can just go on sitting in a library and go on collecting knowledge. Man has so great a memory that it is said a single man’s memory system can contain all the libraries of the world. No computer has been yet evolved which can really compete with man’s memory system. It is almost unlimited and it can create such a great illusion of being wise.

Wisdom is a totally different phenomenon. It comes through love, it grows in the heart, it is a heart flower. And the ways of the heart are totally different from the ways of the head.

Sannyas is a search for wisdom. I am not interested in imparting knowledge to you here. I am not a teacher. A teacher imparts knowledge, a master imparts being. A master does not each you, on the contrary, he helps you unlearn, he helps you to unburden, he helps you to come from the head to the heart. And once you are centred in the heart your life pulsates with a totally new energy. That energy is love. it is not that you become more loving, you become love itself. It is not a question of being in a love relationship, it is a question of being in a state of love. One is constantly in a state of love — waking, sleeping, with people or alone, with people or with rocks — it makes no difference, one goes on pulsating, radiating love energy. It becomes one’s natural perfume. That perfume is the first proof of god and then more and more proofs go on coming.

There is no other proof for god except love. Logic is impotent, it cannot prove, it cannot disprove. It has nothing to do with love, hence theology is the most stupid idea. It means logic about god, theology. There is no logic about god. There have been lovers of god; but logicians are just befooling themselves and others. If a logician is honest and sincere he is bound to be an atheist. He has to be an atheist, that is inevitable. If a logician says that he is a theist he is dishonest; hence all theologicians are dishonest. Christian, Hindu, Mohammedan — it doesn’t matter to what sect and cult they belong.

Jesus is not a theologian, he is a lover of god. Jalaluddin is not a logician, he is a lover of god. and these lovers have really proved the existence of god, not by giving an argument but by their presence, by their very being, by their transformed existence, by their luminous life, by their radiant love.

Source: Osho Book “The Imprisoned Splendor”